Sleepless Wednesday /Thursday

Woke for some reason and haven’t been able to fall back asleep. The anniversary of Grenfell Towers and all those stories of lost lives and futures somehow haunting me. We plan to join the silent walk tonight to pay our respects. Families have spoken with such dignity about their memories of loved ones and a year ago. Shouldn’t have happened. The inquiries continue. The search for who and how and why.

And soon it’s six months since Dad died. Feel his loss so keenly still. The grief is always there, just comes to the surface more strongly sometimes than other times prompted by a thought, a memory, a photo, his hat on the back of our front door, so many things. So many times I’ve gone to phone Dad to tell him about something I’ve been doing, seen or heard about I knew he’d like to know. ” Must tell Dad” I caught myself thinking when there was a trailer for a nature programme from East Africa just the other day and then sad all over again to be reminded of the loss of him. So long since my last kiss goodbye.

All these months and all these bits of my life I haven’t been able to share with him. All those breakfasts and chats and times I haven’t been able to have with him.

I miss him. Every day.