It’s a spa day birthday treat. A massage done, a swim, a steam and a facial to go. Lovely relaxing treats.
In the quiet space that the spa opens up i am feeling full of grief for Dad. Waves of loss. Sparked off perhaps by the images on the estate agents site of a spruced up empty flat devoid of all that made it Dads home. Perhaps that was the spark. Or maybe it’s just that there’s been a quiet space just to be and muse … There are Dad moments every day of course. Moments of loss and sadness. And I still carry round all the time a sense of heaviness that comes with grief. And just sometimes I can get completely absorbed in doing something – making bread, taking photos, a film, a gym class- which gives a break from that heaviness. It’s a relief.
Its two and a half months now. Not long at all so all very raw still. Just going with it and giving myself what it feels like I need.
But I miss him. Every day. All those Never Agains are so tough. What I wouldn’t give for one last stay with him, one last breakfast, one last ring of the phone to see his name come up, one last watching him snooze…
Things will get easier … that I know … just not yet