When it counts, true lasting friends know how to step forward and catch me as i fall. They know better than to offer advice but let me be in my sadness. They offer no judgement on the ways I choose to act in my grief. Unconditional love. They show in all the ways that count that they care for me and are walking at my side however geographically far they may be.

So it is for me and my friends right now as I move one foot forward and then the other.

These times will pass. Grief and sadness will give way to other days. Even now there are moments of laughter as we share stories of times past. Impermanence. All my Buddhist teachings support me now. I remember my Buddhist friend Megan and Bhante Sujato and his talks in Australia and they are with me now.

These days will pass.

A week like no other

Today I woke, seven days after the call, thinking how strange time is. Seven days, a week. But no two weeks feel the same – some painfully long, others speed by, and again more have some of each. This has been the first of those.

This week of your death has been so exhaustingly long. Minutes, hours, days and wakeful nights creep by. Hardly any of them going unnoticed. Some sleepless hours at night when thoughts take me to strange places. Over this long week emotions running high interspersed with an overwhelming numbness.

Family tensions bubble up now and then as all try to deal with this time as best we can and now and then styles clash. Good intentions misunderstood. But mostly there is caring and a deep sense of shared loss that pulls us closer.

This next long week ahead ends in your funeral. A goodbye. A blessing for your life to be read. Stories told of happier days. Condolences received.

Just two weeks ago you held my hand tight. If I close my eyes now I can feel that still. Your smile on my arrival. The feel of your kiss on my cheek. The smell of your perfume still lingers. Watching you sleep. Precious memory.

Introverts Blog Quietly challenge : happiness

Happiness comes in all sorts of guises

There’s the quiet, meditative, peaceful happiness of time alone in a beautiful place like this


The heart will burst happiness of new love – can’t sleep, think, eat all consuming happiness of finding someone who lights you up.

The happiness that is being brought a cup of great coffee in bed of a weekend and knowing there is no rush to get up.

A call from a special friend the other side of the globe – shares laughter and tears over so many years. Her voice and caring make me feel really happy.

Mangoes, chocolate, sourdough bread, beautifully presented Japanese food.

Wandering the streets of a London, Shanghai and Sydney with my camera.

Happiness can be found on any corner any time. Just need to be open to seeing it.