It’s my friend’s first visit to her father’s home since he died. A visit she is making on her own. A visit she was dreading. And her message just now was that she felt his presence. Understandable as she will find him in every corner of that home. A presence there for so many years. Memories must be coming thick and fast.
It’s a moment I dread. Not yet.
I try to make each visit matter. To leave nothing unsaid. To make sure they both hear that I love them. Regret is not what I want to feel. A harsh word that can’t be taken back. An irritation shown.
Even so it will be impossibly hard. That I know.
But for B it’s already happened and her world will never be the same. Moments come when she thinks of something he’d be interested to hear and then she has to remember all over that she’s not going to be able to share things with him Like yesterday. I saw the pain sweep across her face.
It always amazes me quite how focussed I am when working from home. Laptop open, head down and hours whizz by. Love to be able think, generate ideas, make connections, design and develop things without interruption. I end my day energised and satisfied with what I’ve managed to create.
Office days are full of people, meetings, chatter. All good. Great people. Motivated, interesting, committed, smart. I love making groups work, getting the best out of the people in the room. And yet as the day progresses I can feel my energy drop.
A typical introvert. My energy comes from inside. Love people, love spending time with them and at the same time know how they drain my energy. A day’s training delivery I need some quiet to recharge before the social evening event. I watch in awe of those who get livelier and livelier as the evening progresses, feeding off the energy of those around them. In awe but know that’s not who I am.
How about you?